chilean miners!

the hope and determination these men had is the most incredibl thing, ever.

"God never gives you anything you can't handle"

My friend Julia gave me that note on the missions trip after I shared something I never told anyone before that I had tried so hard to forget. I look at it everyday anf realize how blessed I am for the friends I have.

it breaks my heart to see my friends sad.

just great.

I blacked out in the locker room at swimming. What a wonderful way to end the week.

why.

Testimonies.

After several things about my good friends this week through them sharing their testimonies, I was finally the last one to share mine. I got enough courage from hearig everyone elses to share something I didn't even plan on sharing; the fact that I almost killed myself. Now that I know I have all of these people I never thought of here to support me, there's no going back.

Butler, PA in exactly 8 1/2 hours!

i love the love octogon.

eminemmm (:

i know most people are against rap music and stuff but i like it.
some songs are about sex, and drugs, and stuff but its alright.
really like eminem. he isnt like the others.
because unlike them, he raps about that is real.

weeeezyy babyy

Give me the courage
to face life's trials
and not from troubles
run, Let me keep
this thought in
mind,
"Thy Will," not
"Mine" be
done.

FINALly.

12 hours from now? I'll be done with school.
10 hours of sleep/getting ready for school/nothing.
2 hours of Algebra.

YES WE CAN.

help.

The doctor says I'm not allowed to take any more naps, ever.
I usually take a nap almost evey day.
This is killing me.

I'm starting to doubt whether all my dreams are just aimless stares, looking off to someplace that isn’t there.

True Life: I'm Deaf.

True Life: I'm Deaf.

I was watching this episode yesterday. And this boy named Chris was on it and he was 16. He was born deaf. He decided to have an implant in his head so he would be able to hear. He had girlfriend but the only way they could communicate was through writing notes. At the end after he got the implant, he asked her to say his name, Christopher. He couldn't resond in words because he didn't know how to speak. Instead he wrote on a paper, "I really like your voice" and then they did the sign language symbol for I love you.

People like this, Give Me Hope.

like my grandpa always says:

"If you're gunna keep score,
you might as well win."

People are cool, sike.

So lets just say someone has a party. And then some people come who weren't even invited just because they just want something to do. And then they stay for a a good 10 minutes before they call their boyfriends to make plans to go out to dinner and leave 5 minutes later. And then they all leave to go out to dinner. But wait, why not get high? Oh okay. So lets recap: Lets go to a party for our bestfriend, stay for 10 minutes, leave without saying bye or happ birthday or anything poite like that, pretend to go out to dinner, and go get high.

fun, right?

Lies.

the average person tells 4 lies a day.
thats 1460 a year.
and a total of 14,600 by the age of 10.

and the most common lie is "I'm fine."

When you judge someone,
you're not defining them;
You're only defining yourself.

stop looking and start seeing.
stop hearing and start listening

i have come to realize that you don't want to blend in.
i have come to realize that you don't want to be different.

...you just want to have a story of you're own.

43, holler.

in this world, i feel so small. but you make me feel so right.

:/

i'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

sometimes, coldplay takes the words right out of my mouth.

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

there is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.

Anybody can grow older.
That doesn't take any talent or ability.
The idea is to grow up by always finding
opportunity in change.
Have no regrets.

when i die, don't cry, but get high for me;;;

so you can feel like you flying in the sky with me.

In my life, I went from a straw hat to a crown
I been through a few up's, and a whole lot of downs

i'm/not/afraid

imma be what i set out to be
without a doubt - undoubtably.
and all those who look down on me
i'm tearing down your balcony.

6710

stay strong.

"Rise and rise again,
until Lambs become Lions."


it means don't give up.

sooo sikeeedd.

I CAN GO ON THE MISSIONS TRIP THIS SUMMER. YES.

whaddup.

hello. don't be offended if i blog and you feel it's about you. it most likely isn't. if there is something bothering me, i would probsss just tell you. this is basically my diary, but not really. i write about good things here too. this is where i can vent. i am going through a lot right now both mentally and physically so please, do take things too seriously.

rumors.

rumors are dumb. i mean really, whats the point?

hey! guess what?! so-and-so made out at the party last weekend!

hey! so-and-so were fliting the other day. she is in a relationship, you know..

hey! i want attention so i'm going to start some cool rumors.

no one cares. especially if it's not true. bye.


and for the record, this isn't about anyone specificallly. It's about people in general.

JDWTMAJWA

40.

ugh.

I have so many things on my mind, I can't even put it into words.

God,

help me.

I've had Lyme Disease for 2 years.

Yeah, it sucks. I leave early from school everyday so I can go home because my headaches get worse. Sometimes, I go to the nurse and lay down and my classmates yell at me because I'm "skipping." I only wish I was skipping. I get headaches every single day. I take aout 10 different medicines that aren't even helping. I had an IV in my arm for 7 weeks last year. I wasn't able to swim, do sports,let alone take a normal shower. I've been to neurologists, nateropaths, bio feedback, infectious disease doctors, therapists, pain management groups, and regualr pediatricians. So far? No luck. It will have been two years, next month. I am fed up with this. The end of June, they are sending me to some doctor in Boston. I have my hopes up for this. It's been planned for 4 months.

make me a sandwich.

no, how about you make ME a sandwich.

thats not trashy,

that is what i call GRADE A CLASS.

i realized:

all someone needs is a friend.

trusting some people isn't the best decision.

jealousy gets you no where.

faith is sometimes all you have to hold on to.

everything happens for a reason.

telling someone that everything is going to be okay, can really make everything okay.

i bribed someone with gum to stop doing something.

some people pack heat like no other.

family is always there for you.

last name ever, first name greatest

like a sprained ankle,
i ain't nothing to play with.

best fraaaands.

I used to have a best friend.
Maybe even two or three.
But I'm not so sure I have one anymore.

summer.

it's starting to feel a whole lot like summer.
and i'm loving every minute of it.

the current temperature at my house? 94 beautiful degrees.

How are all things connected?

That was a question on my classwork fom language arts class. And my answer? Jesus.
One of my classmates saw what I wrote and literally FLIPPED OUT on me. His words: "There is no 'jesus' or 'god' o anything like that. I asked him how he knew and he said that it was impossible and a stupid idea that there even was one. The substitute for class told him that he should keep his religious veiws to himself it he was going to get into an arguement over them.

There is a God, and it is definately not stupid to believe in him.

my mema.

I feel like it was yesterday:

December 29, 2007. Swim practice ended at 12:00, but I got out a little early. I was outside waiting for my dad and my brother to come pick me up. We were going to go to Danbury Hospital to see my grandma. She hadn't been feeling well, so she was admitted to the hospital the week before (December 21st, 2007). We were going down Old Zoar Road and my dad's cell phone rings. Ian picks it up and it's my mom. He hands the phone to my dad. The car comes to a stop right in the middle of the road. He hung up soon after. His next words? "Mom just told me that Mema has just passed away.." We turned around and drove up our road and into my garage and walked inside and no one said a word. And then I turned around and burst into tears. My brother did the same and threw his arms around me. My dad did the same. We all started crying. That whole next few monts, she was all I would think about. I know that my Meme is in heaven now, I just miss her a whole lot. I may not have been the most kind granddaugher all the time, but I know I appreciated her very much. My mema wasn't just that kind of grandmother who lived in some other state that occasionally calls you on Christmas or Birthday's and sends a card now and then. She had been living with us for 5 years and we had grown closer each and every day. Losing her hit me hard. i regret anything bad I had ever said to her. I miss her more and more each and every day, but I know I will see her again.

stop the madness.

“Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier.
Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter.
All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.”

Yeah, it's true. Just think about when people bully other people. "You're so fat and ugly!" By saying that, does that make you any better looking than what you were before. No. So when people bully others, or make fun of others, it really bothers me. I may "make fun" of someone as a joke, but they know I'm kidding because I'm just not that type of person. We all see bullying everyday, no matter where we are. And half the time, we do absolutely nothing about it.

There's the do-ers. The people who bully.
and then there's the by-standers. The people who watch the bullying.

Either way, bullying doesn't make you a better person; whether you're doing it or not.

faith.

FAITH: –noun
1.confidence or trust in a person or thing
2.belief that is not based on proof
3.belief in god or in the doctrines or teachings of religion
4.belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.
5.a system of religious belief
6.the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.
7.the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.
8.Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.

the cousins.

even though my family doesn't always agree on things, we love each other.

my grandmother says inspirational things.

"Sometimes you come across mountains,
But you always have the strength to move them.."

hey there blog #23

“To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To hope is to risk pain.
To try is to risk failure.
But risk must be taken
because the greatest hazard in life
is to risk nothing at all.”

cool.

yeah, it's totaly cool that you are a hypocrite. i mean really, like it's great.

DOUBLE S G.

sometimes, i hate swim practice.
but sometimes, sexy steve is there.

and then going is worth my time.

oh, how i love...

music that relates to my life.
singing with my eyes closed.
sleepovers with friends.
inspiring aquaintences.
youth group retreats.
cute older couples.
learning about god.
family gatherings.
long walks.

you.

Well that's some useful knowledge..

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Humility

"Humility is not thinking less of yourself; but it is thinking of youself less."

budget cuts suck.

I can't remember the last time the budget in Monroe has ever passed on the first try, or even the second. But I guess this time, the third time's the charm.

Even though it finally did pass, they're still laying off faculty in te school systems that clearly shouldn't have to get laid off. For example: Lee. Lee is a custodian at Masuk and just found out 2 weeks ago that he is getting laid off at the end of this school year. Once he gets laid off, he won't have a job. And even worse, no healthcare for his young daughter.I've sent emails to the superintendent but she says it's not up to her. She didn't even answer the questions that I asked her. Thanks?

Lee is probably the hardest working custodian there. I really don't understand why they are going to fire him, and keep some of the other faculty tat clearly don't belong working in the school system.

i love the beach.

sup friends.

I have some great friends. Whether they are listening to me vent or whether I am helping them sort through their thoughts, we are there for each other. So far in highschool, I've gained friends, lost friends, and stayed friends.

I've learned that friends can be snooping behind your back with someone close to you.
I've learned that friends can be there for you though the toughest of times.
I've learned that some friends can be trusted to an extent.
I've learned that some of your best friends can be a sibling.
I've learned that a true friend doesn't lie about something big right to your face.

I've learned that you could trust people with your life; and others? with nothing.

hey.

I need to blog more. I've got wayyyyy too many things to keep bottled up in my head.

Ghettofabulizing..

Yes, I can say that we did...

invite Katherine, Emily, Sam, Amelia, SPencer, Nick, and Evan over to watch a movie.
not watch a movie.
spend an hour on chatroulette with some good looking guys from England.
have nine people go to Dunkin Donuts at 10:00 at nightjust do Ian could get a donut.
have some ghettofabulizing of cars.
see the power go out in a section of monroe along 111.
have wall posts about D+'s..ahaha.


Yes, I can say that my saturday night was quite productive.

note to self:

blog more.

Dear Summer,

I miss...

sitting on my roof watching the sun set at night.
swimming in my pool for an entire day even when it's dark out.
walking to motion with out getting hypothermia.
wearing shorts and a t-shirt everyday.
being outside with my neighbors.
playing man-hunt and having my mom freak out about ticks.
motion summer spectacular.
small groups.

basically everything about you, Summer.

And I just have one request; please hurry.

St. Baldricks - Team Brent

My brothers swim team all shaved their heads yesterday. Unlike most teams in their league, they didn't shave it just because it was the end of the season and states was right around the corner. They shaved their heads for a cause. What cause? St. Baldricks. St. Baldrick's is a foundation that raises millions of dollars for cancer each year. The event yesterday, was in honor of a seven year old boy, Brent who is a cancer survivor and an adorable little kid. Together, the team raised over $3000 dollars. Before the actual head shaving event, everyone was saying how "they wouldn't have friends if they shaved their head," which is completely ridiculous. If someone is that shallow to not be friends with you because you shaved your head to help kids with cancer, well quite frankly, you need new friends. Each and every one of the kids on the team inspires me and did what they knew was right. Together, Team Brent gave me Hope.

Winter Retreat = 5 Days.

The Reverb Winter Retreat is in five days and I can't wait. Just puting that out there.

68th.

Yesterday at Middlebrook Farms, I saw that this couple celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary on Valentine's Day. So Cute :D

Gus and Betty, you Give Me Hope.

SEN10RS.

So I have these two awesome friends...Amelia and Chelsea. I met them both from my High School swim team. Sadly, they are graduating this year. One is going to college in New Haven, the other in Boston. I always think about "what we should do next year in swimming" and then realize that I'm not going to see them. I will miss them so much. There won't be anymore...

Going to McDonalds 4 times in one day.
Fist Pumping like a champ.
Managing the boys swim team.
Cuteling.
Having dance parties in my driveway.
Exploring Chat Roulette.
Swimming.
Making fun of my brother for eating an entire package of cookie dough.
Dealing with McKee.
Pre-Swim Meet pep talks.
Jerking.
Coming up with lines for our Rap group.
NEWMONEY and CHELLLYY.
and everything.

Oh how things will change.

Reverb!

I absolutely love going to Reverb. When I first went to my youth group, I wasn't sure what to expect. I went because I knew people there, but didn't really have a purpose. That was four years ago. Now I look forward to every Thursday so I can learn about God and about becoming a better Christian.

The first time I was at my youth group, and we did worship, I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't sing. I just stood there kind of taking everything in. Now, it's nothing like that. I sing all the songs and close my eyes and concentrate on the words that I'm singing rather than on the music, or the people, or whatever else is going on. Now, it's about focusing on God and everything he has done for us.

When I wear my Reverb sweatshirt to school, people ask me what 'Reverb' is. I tell them that it is my youth group and then they ask me if my parents make me go to it. Then I tell them no. And then they ask me this, "Why?" And for the longest time I didn't have an answer; Up until about a year ago. I realized that it wasn't just a fun thing to do but a way of growing with God and learning things I didn't learn in Religion class.

All I know is that I'm going to be VERY sad when I graduate and won't be able to go to Reverb anymore.

My Brother, Ian.

Everyone always is asking me, "Are you and your brother close?" or "Do you and Ian get along well?" And the truth is, Yes. We do. Sometimes we argue but at the end of the day we will always be there for each other. My dad always says that if we get mad at our friends or if something bad happens, we can always rely on each other. And that's true. I've heard of stories where families fall apart because siblings stop talking to each other but I know that will never happen between Ian and I :D

You may hold my hand for a while, but you hold my heart forever.

I was at the mall the other day when I saw an old couple sitting together. The man looked over at the woman and said,

"Jane, we did it. We grew old together."

The look in her eyes GMH.

I have read so many posts from the GivesMeHope.com website. This is by far one of my favorites. It teaches me that love will last forever and that it isn't only in fairytales.

Middlebrook Farms

Whenever I go to Middlebrook Farms, an assisted living home in Trumbull, I see people there who feel lost and abandoned. Once, I was told by one of the residents that her daughter was tired of taking care of her so she put her in a home. I almost started to cry when she was telling me this story. Right then and there, I made a mental vow to myself to never "throw" someone close to me into an assisted living home if they didn't want to be there.

Around ten minutes to five, some residents are coming down to go to dinner. I love seeing them walk out of the elevator holding hands and smiling. This shows me that love can last forever. One time, I had to help Betty reach Gus when he was in the hospital. The nurses wouldn't even tell her why he was there or when he was going to get out. I stayed in her apartment for half an hour calling Gus. He finally picked up and she was relieved. Right before she hung up, she said, "I love you Gus, I miss you." It was adorable. Seeing true love for eachother will always Gives Me Hope.

Hebrews 11:1 - Faith

Having Faith is important to me in many ways. Faith is believing. This brings me to one of my favorite Bible verses: Hebrews 11:1.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

Some people out there do not even believe in God. In school last week, one of my classmates went on and on about how STUPID the Bible is and how the person who wrote it must have not had a life to still there and make up that stuff. When they said that, it really hit me hard. Whenever the subject of religion or God comes up in school, teachers try to sweep it under the rug and move on. I understand the teachers point of veiw and the position they are put in. I just don't think it's right for teachers to let their students go on about how "FAKE" God and the bible are when they can see others are being hurt by these remarks.

Like I said, keeping the Faith is a big deal to me and I will never, ever lose that.

Ambitious Me.

Well, this is my first blog. I was inspired by my good friends, Katherine and Kerry. I have decided to do this because many times I don't outwardly speak what I'm thinking or feeling and I feel I should change that. About Me? I am 14 and I am a freshman in high school. I love love love to swim and go to my youth group, Reverb.

I used to want to be a teacher, then a vet, then a doctor. I think a doctor would be cool but today while I was watching house, I decided that helping people like me would not be as interesting as this other idea I had: I want to be a doctor in a poor country where supplies and medication are scarce. That would be awesome. I want to start an organization when I grow up, that would benefit people that need medication that they can't quite pay for.

Since I started going to my youth group four years ago, I have grown in ways that were unimaginable to me in 6th grade. Because I started out not really knowing all that much about God, I have come to realize there are many people out in the world like that. I feel the need to find all of them and just teach. That will be another part of my organization: curing illnesses and speaking God's word.

I know these are big ambitions and I have no idea how I'm going to do this but I think it can happen.